Only Phlebotomists Will Understand These 14 Patient Comments

If you've been a phlebotomist for more than five minutes, you've probably heard every single one of these.

Some of them make us laugh.

Some of them make us question reality.

And some of them make us stare into the distance while contemplating our life choices.

Patients, we love you.

We really do.

But let's talk.

Oh.

Well thank goodness you mentioned that.

I was planning on free-styling this whole thing.

Every phlebotomist reading this just rolled their eyes.

Not because we don't believe you.

But because approximately 97% of patients tell us this.

You and literally everyone else in this waiting room.

No.

But thank you for instantly making this more stressful.

I was actually planning on using a weed eater.

Someone's been researching.

Sir.

If I took all of it, we'd have much bigger problems.

Meanwhile the vein is visible from the International Space Station.

Oh wow.

I hadn't considered that.

The phlebotomy version of hearing ominous music in a horror movie.

The cooperative one.

Cool.

My cousin sells insurance.

Ladies and gentlemen...

The highest honor a phlebotomist can receive.

And just like that, our entire week has been made.

Dear Patients...

In all seriousness, we love what we do.

We love helping people.

We love calming nervous patients.

We love hearing, "That wasn't as bad as I expected."

And yes...

We'll probably still laugh about some of these comments in the break room later.

So if you're a phlebotomist, tell us:

What's the funniest thing a patient has ever said to you?

Because let's be honest...

This list could easily have been 100.

Need a Laugh? Check Out My Favorite Funny Phlebotomy Finds

Let's be honest, sometimes the only thing that gets us through a long shift is caffeine, dark humor, and knowing we're not the only ones hearing, "You only get one try."

That's why I created a collection of some of the funniest phlebotomy-themed gifts, mugs, shirts, badge reels, stickers, and workplace finds I've come across on Amazon. Whether you're shopping for yourself, looking for a gift for your favorite coworker, or simply need something that understands your phlebotomist sense of humor, you'll probably find a few things that make you laugh out loud.

Fair warning: You may suddenly feel the urge to buy yourself a new mug and send a shirt link to your work bestie.

Thanks for reading this article! It does contains affiliate links and I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you if you purchase through my links. Don't forget to sign up as a free member so you never miss an update! ~Kim